A few quick things about The X Factor


You may know that, with my friends Helen and Steve (and at various points Carrie and Joel too) we used to write an X Factor recap blog, The Bitch Factor.  But this year, with the return of Simon and Cheryl, the clash with other shows we blog – namely Strictly and The Apprentice – not to mention how the show has become a parody of a parody of itself and how we’re all actually busy people, we just couldn’t waste our lives doing it for yet another year.  I have to say, I’m glad. Everything that has happened this year is basically a rehash of everything that has ever happened.  Plus the shows are so damn long and have so many ad breaks, and being able to watch on fastforward is a blessed relief.  Still, there were a few things I wanted to note from last night’s show and here they are:

  • At least NotLouis is back.  God bless NotLouis.
  • And Blonde Electra with their weird Oompa Loompa eyebrows.
  • Those boy band names are the worst ever.  Also: good luck with them not cancelling each other out, show.
  • One of Overload Generation (OVERLOAD GENERATION!) looks like what would happen if you put Robbie Roscoe from Hollyoaks and Kevin from Grimsby in a blender.  And sings about as well as they probably would.
  • The potential of another anonibrunettewhitebloke winner is delicious.  Especially delicious if it’s Hey Now, who is basically Steve Brookstein mk 2.  *Can taste the delicious bitter headlines in 6 months’ time already*
  • LOL at Dermot saying Fleur East was on The X Factor stage for the first time.  Good she may be, and I’m glad she’s there because heaven knows most of this lot are appalling, but Addictiv Ladies Neva4Get.
  • That young girl in Cheryl’s category whose name I can’t be bothered to learn has quite a good voice but that arrangement of Happy was godawful.
  • Jake Quickenden is an abomination.
  • The judges’ BANTAH is even worse than normal.  Fortunately I can now fast-forward it.
  • Did they really have an ad break after every act as it seemed?
  • Wildcards are never a good idea, as the four they brought back proved.
  • Cheryl’s eye make-up.  Halloween is still a couple of weeks away.
  • It’s also curious how every episode of Gogglebox this series has had a special five minute section of all the households slagging off Cheryl.  No idea why, but it’s somewhat hilarious.
  • This show’s completely contradictory attitudes to returning contestants and whether or not it was ‘right’ they didn’t get through before is utterly tiresome.
  • Stevi is no Wagner.
  • Earth Song is not a song I need to hear on this, or any, show.

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