They don’t compare to you

I haven’t given my opinion on Kylie’s Aphrodite or the Scissor Sisters’ Night Work yet because I wanted to give both albums a fair hearing.  I have listened to them each several dozen times now and I still can’t say I am able to rave about them as much as some are doing.  That’s not because either are bad albums, it’s just that all the ‘Kylie’s best album since Light Years!’ comments and all the ‘best Scissor Sisters album EVER’ hyperbole on the internet made me wonder if there was something about them I was missing.  So, I like them, they’re good albums, but I am not yet in love with them.

Night Work definitely works best if you listen to it at night.  In the daytime, it really doesn’t have the same effect.  The same is actually true for much of Aphrodite, for that matter.  A lot has been made of how filthy it is, and I guess that’s true, especially given the lyrical content, but in a way I was expecting it to be even more juicy than it is.  It still stands out more than Ta-Dah!, which had its fair share of clunkers, but I have yet to fall in love with it as much as their debut.  Standout tracks for me are Any Which Way (which I believe is the next single) and Invisible Light.  It’s no coincidence that these are their collaborations with proper famous people, but we’ll come back to that when I reveal my GENIUS IDEA.  For yes, I have had one.

Aphrodite, then.  It’s not Kylie’s best album since Light Years.  That was X, even if I am the only person in the world who thinks so.  This one is a new entry at #7 on my all-time Kylie albums list, which, if you care, reads:

1) Kylie

2) Light Years

3) X

4) Impossible Princess

5) Rhythm of Love

6) Enjoy Yourself

7) Aphrodite

8 Kylie Minogue

9) Fever

10) Body Language

11) Let’s Get To It

One of the things about the new album that I find a bit weird is that there aren’t many obvious singles.  Beyond the divine ‘All the Lovers’, (straight in at number four on my all-time top Kylie songs list:

1) Got to Be Certain

1=) No More Rain

3) The One

4) All the Lovers

5) Made in Heaven

6) Your Disco Needs You

7) Je Ne Sais Pas Pourquoi

8 In My Arms

9) Where the Wild Roses Grow

10) Changes all the time according to whim,  but currently White Diamond)

for me, the two standout tracks come in the middle of the album – ‘Aphrodite’ and ‘Better than Today’ (partly penned by Nerina Pallot in a WTFReally? moment).  The latter sounds so much like the Scissor Sisters I had to triple check that it wasn’t actually their co-write (that’s actually ‘Too Much’, which also has Calvin Harris involved and is probably the most likely track to become a single).

Anyway, all this brings me on to my GREAT IDEA.

The Scissor Sisters and Kylie.  On tour.  Together.  After all, they have produced some great tracks together (White Diamond and I Believe in You are among the best Kylie tracks of all time, Any Which Way is a great Scissors track) and they have started cameoing at each other’s gigs. Both acts put on a great show. Both acts make similarish music – ‘Better than Today’ just proves that.

Imagine the Scissors duetting with our Kyles on Spinning Around, Your Disco Needs You or Better the Devil You Know, or Kylie guesting on Take Your Mama, I Don’t Feel Like Dancing or Comfortably Numb. It’s easy to hear it in your head, isn’t it? That’s because it was MEANT TO BE.

The only problem I can foresee is the world exploding from there being just too much gay in one place for it to contain, but better that than nuclear war or global warming, right?


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