Sunshine through my windows, that’s what you are

Religious factual programming: a drinking game

Down a shot every time…

  • There’s a sunset, sunrise, beam of light etc.
  • There’s a flickering candle.
  • Islam is represented by a mosque dome, man with a long beard or woman in niqab/hijab.
  • Christianity is represented by a crucifix, people singing with their arms open or a cathedral.
  • Catholicism is represented by the Pope or mass.
  • Hinduism is represented by statues or icons of gods.
  • Buddhism is represented by monks in orange robes or gold Buddhas.
  • Judaism is represented by Orthodox Jews or people at the wailing wall.
  • Scientology is represented by some strange techonological implements. An extra shot for Tom Cruise, two if it’s Tom Cruise on the Oprah sofa.
  • Someone goes on a ‘journey’. Double if the journey is physical as well as metaphorical.
  • There’s a sweeping shot of English countryside, with a church or cathedral in the middle.
  • There’s a sweeping shot of Jerusalem with the Dome of the Rock being prominent.
  • The voice-over mentions ‘moderate’ religious people.
  • The voice-over mentions fundamentalist Islam. Double shots if this is linked to terrorism, triple if linked to Saudi Arabia.
  • The voice-over mentions fundamentalist Christianity. Double shots if the term ‘evangelical’ is used, triple if linked to America. Down the whole bottle if George W Bush is mentioned.
  • Every time a wacky ‘internet preacher’ is shown.
  • Someone says something along the lines of ‘well that’s what you believe and that’s alright for you’.
  • Richard Dawkins is wheeled out.
  • Creationism vs evolution is mentioned. Don’t drink if someone happens to believe in both evolution and God/a god etc, as they will clearly be shown to be lying later. It is apparently impossible to believe in both.
  • Black African Christianity is portrayed as sinister.
  • Tribal religions are shown as having lots of skulls, blood, animal sacrifices etc.
  • Traditional music of the country shown is played. This will, of course, only happen in programmes about the East.
  • The interviewer asks religious people about their views on any of the following: sex, drugs, drink, partying, celebrities.
  • A Channel 4 documentary opens with some line about Britain supposedly being a secular country. Two shots if this is accompanied by footage of people in a busy city street.
  • There is some sort of conclusion about how we should all love each other and be tolerant but not be extreme etc.
  • Stop drinking if you see any Sikhs. You may be hallucinating.

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