I can’t speak French

I have a real problem with communicating with people. I don’t mean in the sense of upfront teaching in front of a class kind of communicating, I think that’s OK. But in other senses. I always misinterpret people and vice versa.

I got made redundant from my previous job for, as far as I can tell, the sole reason that my boss and I didn’t understand each other. I don’t know the ins and outs of why it happened really, but that seemed to be at the crux. I also lost some good friends along the way partly because of miscommunication. Recently I got a bit of a snarky email off my boss because I said something that having read back over it, could have been misinterpreted as being a bit insulting to him (not the intention) and tonight I have unintentionally narked off someone else I really like and respect who interpreted something I wrote on a messageboard in completely the wrong way. I can’t seem to express myself properly but I don’t know why.

So if anyone else out there is taking offence from something I said: 9, 999 times out of 10, 000 I don’t mean anything offensive by it. The other 0.01% of times I’m probably being passive agressive. I suck at communication, sory, I keep trying really hard, but apprently I still keep sucking.

I need to learn to be quiet and never say anything ever. I keep offending people who I want to please and I can’t afford to lose any more jobs, or friends. I don’t mean to be a bitch, I really don’t. But apparently I am one anyway. Anyone got a hole I can crawl into?

Oh, and also – I’m hormonal right now, which also means depressed and tearful. Bear with me. I’ll be a bit better in a week or so. Although I’ll still keep putting my feet in it and wanting the earth to swallow me up and somehow offending people by trying to be nice. I’m not very good at this being a human lark.


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